My Name is Tori

They say to see the truth you have to look through the eyes, because the eyes never lie. They say my eyes tell a story. One of love and laughter; one of sorrow and pain; one of a fight for survival; one of disgust and distained. My name is Tori and this is my story.

I was born on the coldest of January days.

No money or way to a hospital so mama had me where she laid.

No family to come and take care of her

And baby daddy wasn’t around

Because he was a married man with kids

And she herself was just a child.

My name is Tori and this is the beginning of my story.

At 17 Mama didn’t know what to do.

Keeping me wasn’t really an option

So wrapped up in clothes and taken to a hospital

Where I was abandon and left for adoption.

She left in the waiting room. I guess she hoped someone would spot me.

Lucky for me someone did; otherwise these words might not be read.

I grew up in the system for a while without a name.

I was called the lil nappy headed child, because my hair was thick and untamed.

Remembering back to the age of maybe 3, I met a family who said they wanted me.

Paperwork was all said and done and my new mama called me this name; Tori. 

My clothes were packed, my things were stowed, and my new family left for home.

My name is Tori and this is middle of my story.

So here I am thinking this family was right for me, but from the day I entered the front

Door I was beaten down, not just physically, but mentally.

I was called “such an ugly child” and told I’m lucky they chose me.

I was told on several occasions that they picked me solely for the money.

Barely feed any food, clothes didn’t really fit, but when the agency came around

Oh these people put on a performance.

As soon as I got old enough I said fuck this family and fuck this stuff.

I wanted to find a place where I felt loved.

So I roamed the streets looking for food to eat.

I’ve slept in shelters to absorb the heat.

I stole the clothes I put on my back and the shoes I wore on my feet.

No one had sympathy for a brown eyed, brown skinned, natural haired girl like me.

I had been a runaway and at the age of 16, no one was really even looking for me.

No education. How was I going to enroll in school, wasn’t like I had an address to go to.

As I grew up I wasn’t a bad looking girl, so I decided to turn tricks and that sent me to

A whole other world. A world of sex and drugs, and loveless love.

I’ve done some shit I wasn’t proud of.

And became addicted to something that couldn’t love me, it just numbed me.

I chased this addiction because I felt some type of affection, it made me sink

Down to the lowest of the low. I felt like I was selling my soul for just one more blow.

I got beating down by the hands of a man, taken advantage by a gang of girls...

And it was all for a taste of that white pearl.

I hadn’t eaten in days. I was a former shell of myself.

I was becoming nothing but skin and bones.

It was about midnight on another cold night. I was trying to turn a trick, so I could get

Another hit; and in that I succeed.

I grab my needle and puffed up a vein, trying desperately to make this emptiness go Away. Then I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the broken glass and damn near fell

Back on my ass as I realized that this streets had a hold of me.

I was about to become a fatality.

It was right then and there that the love I was searching for was within me. 

I dropped the needle and dragged myself to a center.

Looking up to the heavens I asked GOD to forgive this sinner.

I felt a newness wash over me.

Cleaned up and refreshed with a new look on life

Took months to get my life right and now and school and working steady.

This was Gods plan. He saw I was ready.

My name is Tori and this is the End of My Story.

Lady R © 2013